We all have to deal with road blocks, don't we? I don't really know if that is the perfect title for this post, but I can't think of the right one at the moment. Maybe I will before I finish this post. I have had a few things thrown at me over the past few days that I don't know how to handle.
One of them is professionally. I'm a teacher. I love teaching. I was asked to make a change in my career for this upcoming school year. I needed a change, so I decided to go forth with it. I would switch to 6th literacy. No problem. I spent the last week looking at and subscribing to (because that's what a REAL blogger does) teaching blogs that I thought could help me. I found a plethora of new ideas that I wanted to try. Well, I made the mistake of going to school Monday. Why was it a mistake? Because I was told that I may not be teaching 6th after all. Instead they may move me to GT. Okay. I can handle that. It would mean that I would have to go back to get certified. I CAN do that, but do I really want to do that? I don't know. There's still some debate going on in my head over that which is, by the way, leaving me with a headache. I'm slowly regretting my decision to leave my comfort in 7th/8th grade. Oh well........what will be will be.
The next thing that has thrown me for a loop is personal. I have a part of my family that I have chosen to keep out of my life. Over the past few years I have managed to get to the point where I don't think about these people at all. They are basically nonexistent to me. Or they were until Saturday when my mom forwarded me an email. My uncle's wife wrote a book discussing how she processed my uncle's suicide. I was so mad when I found out about this. How dare she try to profit off of this? I loved my uncle, but I was so mad at him when he died. How could he be that selfish? But I digress...I, of course, ordered this book from Amazon. I wanted to see what she had written. I think, deep down, I also wanted to see what she had to say about my family. I was ready to sue her for defamation, if there was any. It would take me too long to actually put into words how I felt about this, but I was not happy.
The book came in the mail today. I've already finished it. I have a lot of mixed emotions about what I read. Part of me is hurt that my dad and the rest of my family were pretty much left out of the book, but then I look at that as a blessing too. My family doesn't need that. We have made peace with what happened to my uncle, and we are all okay now. We have a very strong faith in God, and that is where we go to help sort things like that out. My aunt claims to have a spiritual peace as well, but I don't know if her's is truly with God. However, that is her business and something she must deal with. I do feel bad for what she has had to deal with, but there is a part of me that wants to blame her for my uncle's suicide. I know that is wrong because my uncle had much deeper problems than I believe even she knew about. However whatever part she may or may not have played in my uncle's suicide is on her, and she will have to deal with it. I just need to go back to my life without them.
Okay..............I've gotten that off of my chest. Maybe it's good, maybe it's not......
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